It’s 2 am in the morning. I have 6 days left before I go back to work again.
I can’t sleep. My boyfriend is in the bedroom fast asleep. He has work today.
I spent the last few days just staying home and really enjoying the peaceful surroundings of my own comfortable home. I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I guess I’m just not physically and mentally tired. I am after all on vacation mode.
It won’t be long for now until I’m tired again.
It seem’s just like yesterday that I was in the middle of high school, in the middle of my old bedroom, trying to figure out what life is all about.
So naive, so innocent, so curious about the future.
It took 1 song for me to reflect on the past. 5 Seconds of Summer and then it took me back into the past life of innocence.
Where does the time go? In this ever fast changing worlds. It seems like the world just go from one plane to the next. Each few years so different from the previous. The world of inevitable change. Even ten years ago seem such a foreign world.
A world that once had date stamps for borrowing novels, a world of Nokia and T9, a world of changing rapid friendships (mixed with many beginnings and endings), a world of rejection (failing your driving exams, breaking up with boyfriends, not getting along with “every single human beings”), a world of acceptance, a world of growing up, a world that introduced finance (saving up, purchasing your first ever car, moving out of your parents), a world of travel, a world of love again, a world of responsibility… or adulthood I should say — to a world of discovery, a world of Pandemic, and new beginnings again.
You will discover a world of love for yourself that you only understand, with complete understanding, empathy, and compassion for your own human experience. You don’t push away from the discomfort anymore. You embrace the “mistakes” you thought you made but really just lessons. The world is your personal teacher.
Such a history… I am so different now.
Good different, more grounded. Calmer. Less phased by the next upcoming trends of the world. I guess experience is all it’s about. Less, what’s the word… barely nudged by the next fad.
I guess I have figured out my 20s. What that is all about… I suppose. Discovering the comfort of your own skin and embracing everything that comes with it. With all the personal events.
Near approaching 27. I am approaching a goodbye to a decade that soon will end. What did I figure out really?
It is okay to be unique in a world that has so much going on. It is okay when people do not agree with your values. To be okay sitting alone and sitting at home and LOVING it. Pushing away the “fomo” of whatever is going around the world. Fomo, that’s a word that’s been around for awhile but I just learned it today. Thanks to Google of course.
Being comfortable not being around people. It feels so great. To stop seeking the validation from others emotionally, physically, and mentally. Complete and total surrendering to the noise from the world.
Realizing that it is all just noise after all. Navigating the world and looking at it in the different perspective. I used to think the world was always so lonely and I had to be around people. But now. You just take everything with a grain of salt. Instead, I look at it and compartmentalize. I have a group of very small close friends who I hold dearly and will most of the time care about their opinions. And a very small amount of people I call family. A hobby here and there. A place of work and a place I comfortably call home. That is all really there is to it. The rest doesn’t matter.
It is true what they say. When things don’t matter 5 years from now. And it’s just a big backpack of heavy unnecessary things. You just leave it behind. The faster you learn that, the easier the hike is.
Life is like travelling. You outgrow a lot of things and once it has served its purpose you have to change eventually. You have to look at what you carry in your backpack. You only have 1 backpack with you. You can’t take it all wherever you go, you know.
Eventually you reach a place where you always wanted to be. And it all takes time. You take in every moment as much as you can and soak it up. You’re a sponge in life.
You will learn to appreciate your moments for your own enjoyment and memories. You will create a world that you live in not caring what the rest of the world is doing. You will learn to love that world.
Then you laugh again and think about yourself. That once 15-year old and you whisper to that naive girl, “don’t worry, you’re in for a ride! It’ll happen so fast, in a blink, you’re stronger than ever.”
And then… I bet you, a series of events that turn into years again will be waiting patiently for you. You will be changing the clothes in your backpack for new ones again. To make room for other kinds.
For now, I am thankful for everything that has happened.